Rejection letter: Mail Merge and Thanks for your Application

I used to be very loquacious in my rejections. I hate to hurt feelings. I like to encourage people.

Exhibit A from 2005: Awkward conversation at lunch. I say no thanks. He doesn't get it. Follows up with an email, just making sure. My response:

"Thanks for taking the time to reiterate your thoughts from Tuesday's conversation. I appreciate your willingness to be forthright, waylaying the awkward uncertainty of assumptions. I generally try to avoid these types of conversations--as you may have picked up from my numerous attempts to change the topic... :0) But as I saw it coming a ways back, and now that you've been kind enough to brooch it directly, charge we onward.

"I'm very flattered that you would take an interest in getting to know me at a deeper level. Such compliments coming from a respected friend are worth much. You have taken quite a risk to put forth your intentions--something I don't see done often--and therefore I will try to give you a direct response. At this point in my life, I am simply not interested in a relationship with any inkling of romantic interest or commitment. As I expressed over lunch, I'm content, really delighted, being single, though not isolated--dependent only on God. I love being around groups of other people, exploring friendships, discovering divine gifting imparted to others, and simply enjoying the community of believers. Even when that perspective changes, though, I'm not sure that I would be the person for you. I value your friendship and really see that as the fulfillment of our relationship. Welcome to the summer of fun! :0)"

Obviously too long. He did get the hint, but I think it took a few weeks longer.

Exhibit B: 2006 Agreed to appetizers. Chatted for the evening. He nervously asks to get together again. I say no thanks. Get home to an email asking the same thing (How many times to they have to get rejected???) I write:

"As far as getting together again, please indulge me in bringing up the always-awkward topic of clarification. I enjoy intelligent banter and philosophical discussions thoroughly, but buffered by friendship, and nothing more. I am always eager to meet new people and determine who they are and why, and my emotional unavailability is often discovered late. I hate to be presumptuous in this thread of conversation, and please forgive me if I am, it's just that I have too often been accused of cruelty, when it's really forgetfulness--that not everyone is necessarily on the same page with social engagements--and perhaps naivety. So, there's that, and chalk one up for awkward candidness. ;)"

This paragraph was followed two days later by a Valentine's gift. I need to re-evaluate effective communication techniques.

Rejection attempt #2. Same guy. 2007.

"Yes, I will be at Century on Saturday. I hate to be presumptuous, but I just want to clear up something. If your feelings towards me are the same as they were a year ago, you should know that mine haven't changed either. You are a great guy, but I'm not interested in anything beyond that. You certainly are welcome to come dancing on Saturday, but I just don't want your expectations to be misled. Again, please excuse the presumption, but life is generally easier when communication is straightforward, regardless of how awkward the subject may be... :)"

Still showed up and showers me with emails.

Exhibit C. Century Ballroom. 2 weeks ago. Alex asks for my phone number. "No thanks." But he just moved to the area and needs friends. "Try church." He goes to church but they're old. "Come to YP." But can he have my number. *grumble, grumble* Fine. Here's my phone number "But I'm not going to date you!"

Conclusion. No beating around the bush. Be straightforward. It still won't work, but they can't say you didn't warn them.