First Date--The Basics, Gentlemen

First impressions are crucial. Job interviews, client calls, and first dates all require shiny shoes, ironed shirts, and basic etiquette. No, the feminist movement did not kill all expectations of courtesy and chivalry. I do regret and apologize that my gender royally screwed things up for a few generations (ladies, time to salvage your bras from the ashes and remember your manners, as well!), but the majority of single women today do appreciate and indeed look for a few basic things still considered polite and appropriate.



1. Open the car door. Just unlocking it doesn't count. Negative points the remote unlocking as though that makes up for it. Unlock the door. Open the door. Help us in if you have a huge vehicle. Bonus points for closing the door behind us. It makes us feel like we're nice and tucked into our carriage. (Note: Most gals I know, myself included, don't expect or wait for you to open the door for her to get out. If you chose to take the gallant extra step--certainly advised for formal occasions--give us a "hold on!" warning first.)



2. Open the restaurant door and allow her to go first. Always. Always. Always allow her to go first. When you come to a narrow spot, she goes first. When you're sliding into a row of chairs, step back gentlemen. It's ok to walk next to her or suggest, "How about here?" but don't just barge ahead. Try to remember that she is your focus this evening, hm?



3. Pull out the chair for her when she sits down--and make sure she sees you so she doesn't go a-smashing to the ground. Kiss that second date goodbye! If the waiter does it, more points to you for selecting a classy restaurant.



4. Pay for dinner. Really, don't even let her pull out her wallet. "Please," or "I've got it," or "No, no, allow me," all work fine. Don't even get into the "Do you want to pay," conversation--really, who actually wants to pay for their own dinner? If you come across a feminazi who insists and insists and is on the verge of crazy, fine. Let her pay for her own stinking meal. (Side note: while this may seem like an intriguing arrangement to cheaply spend time with a hot chick who's got convictions, do you really want to be stuck with that attitude 'till death do you part? think about it...). I always offer to pay because I feel it's polite to offer. I will always hold it against them if they accept, because I think it's rude to accept. Double standard? *grin* It costs a lot of money to keep us looking this good all for you. Think of it our investments for your visual pleasure and your dinners are our dividends.



5. ASK QUESTIONS! Don't just sit there and stare; don't expect her to carry the conversation; don't talk about yourself the entire time. Be interested in her. Ask open-ended questions. Ask follow-up questions. Here are some good starters:

• Interesting, tell me more about that


• Wow, how did that happen?


• Really, what did you think when you heard that?


• You must be brilliant, have you done something like that before?

Ask a about her family, her childhood, her favorites, her interests, her passions, her future. Get to know her! Don't do an interrogation session--certainly contribute your own stories as appropriate--but always turn it back to her. She'll find it charming, intriguing, and flattering.

6. Don't take yourself too seriously. Lighten up, especially if she's gorgeous and you're nervous. Nervous isn't attractive. Laugh, get her laughing, laugh together, and you'll relax, she'll think you're brilliant, and I'm pretty sure there's a chemical reaction in the brain that can only bode well for your future together.

7. If you have a "perfect first date" sequence that's worked magically in the past, don't let her know that you've got it down to a science. She doesn't want to be thinking about all the other girls you've tried to impress in the same setting. We all know that most guys need to rely on rote formulas (not you, of course!) to get things right and like to stick with the tried and true. But we'd still like to think that we're special enough that you planned this outing with just us in mind. Let us have our little fantasy, hm? :)

8. Tip generously and be kind to the service people. Trust me, we notice these things and they make a huge impression. Please and thank you are always appropriate when dealing with another human being in any vocation. Treat everyone with kindness and respect; it speaks to your character and integrity.

9. Pay attention to your clothing. I'm delighted that everyone feels free to be themselves, but be your best-looking self on a first date. Clean, neat clothes, hopefully in a style that doesn't scream 1987 or even 1997. You don't have to be drenched in the latest clothing fad, but don't look outdated, either. This is a great time to take a trusted friend shopping for a great outfit that fits well and makes you feel confident.

10. Don't try to kiss her on your first date. She may have just been going out with you to be polite, to give you a chance, or because she didn't know how to say no. If she can still stand you for a second date, your chances are much higher that she won't press charges for sexual harassment.

*Bonus points: Walk on the street side of the sidewalk. Walk behind her going up stairs. Walk ahead of her going down stairs.

**Goes without saying: Check directions, restaurant/event hours, don't be late, call if you're in the hospital.

Men, it's really not that hard. Good luck to you!