Never, Never, Never, Never Give Up

Don't you love that sentiment? When everything seems hopeless, when despair sets in, when really there's no end in sight, never, Never, NEVER give up, right? Love Winston! How often are these inspirational, stirring, beautiful words repeated in desperate situations?

However, there is a time to give up. When she gets married, when she moves out of the country, when she gets a restraining order--men, these are all good times to surrender your dreams and resign yourself to another face in the family photo.

A few weeks ago, I sat down with a man we'll call Ronald for my annual rejection speech. I met Ronald 2 years ago at a speciality interest group to which we both belonged; let's call it the Conservation Club. Ronald took an interest to me immediately, but only interacted within the safety of a friend group. Strength in numbers? I never had fewer than 3 of these lads surrounding me at one time. All of them were wonderful, intellectual, kind, and socially awkward.

I casually mentioned my interested in dancing to a few of these blokes one night and jokingly invited them to show up sometime. Ah, how I underestimated the powerful incentive of potential romance...in their minds. Two of these unlikely suspects quickly accepted and promised they'd be at Century Ballroom on Saturday (I demanded no promise; I was sorta hoping they'd forget actually). Did I mention that I dance salsa? Did I explain that these masochistic volunteers are white, reserved, and 30-something-years-old? Hmm, indeed!

Spinning ahead, they both show up and the three of us spend the evening together. We'll get to boy #2 later. Ronald hits on a favorite topic of mine and suggests we get together later to discuss it further. Had it not been for such a compelling area of personal interest, I never would have agreed. Ah, but he's a sly one, he is, and it was appetizers the week after.

Ronald is not attractive. Ronald has very few shared interests. Ronald has no college degree, pursues an impossible dream, and may still be living with his parents. After slowly watching each bite of the appetizers disappear, bit, by bit, by bit...by itty-bitty *bitty* bit, enduring a rather slow conversation, and really wishing I could think of a plausible reason to leave early, the check comes. Praise the Lord God Almighty!

We exit. He clears his throat nervously. Darn it all, here it comes. "So, I'm trying to think of a way to hang out with you again soon," he says. "Oh, thank you, but I really don't think it would be a good idea. You're a great person, but I'm just not interested in a relationship," say I. Straightforward, right? Plain English? Any room for doubt? Ok then.

I get home to find an email from him, again expressing interest. I *again* clearly lay out that no, dude, ain't gonna happen. See previous post, Exhibit B for exact wording. Two days later, which happens to be February 14th, he shows up. At my work. With a book. Of love letters. Granted, they were historical love letters, but come on!!! Most fortunately for all involved, I was home sick that day. I responded to his gift with a one sentence thank you email. Wouldn't you get the hint?

Ah, but this chap is a student of Winston. Must be. No other explanation. Over the ensuing year, he sends me an email anywhere from once a month to once a week, primarily containing his musings. He asks nothing. I usually respond nothing. Every5-6 letters, I shoot of a few sentence in response to not be entirely rude. I see him once or twice. He knows persistence.

I believe I may have showed up at another club meeting sometime in November. December rolls around and I start seeing him at salsa. Every week. Again, being well-bred and well-mannered, I graciously greet him and offer a dance (only because he's new and I so appreciate all the compassion and pity dances I got as a beginner). Again, he asks nothing, but this kid is a smart one. He figured out that the only way he was going to hang out with me was to show up where I was at. I'm at salsa every week. He came to salsa every week. See where this is going?

By about the 3rd week, I send the email posted yesterday as Exhibit B #2...just clarifying in no uncertain terms that I AM STILL UNINTERESTED, even though he hadn't asked. I've never been that presumptuous, straightforward, or bold before. Sorry, not interested. That's that.

He doesn't really respond to that particular note, but doesn't slow the communication--email and dancing. Ay-yi. In February, he asked if we could maybe hang out in a setting where Ronald didn't feel as awkward and clumsy as salsa (and yes, he did refer to himself in the 3rd person). I decided that maybe I need to give a final, in person, face-to-face, once and for all, unequivocal no. I reply, "Yeah, we probably should chat."

This time, I schedule it for the week after Valentine's day to try and push off any potential action/reaction/creativity on his part. He did better this year by only sending me a very sappy e-card with a personalized poem. *sigh* But it was an improvement. We meet up (after his salsa class, at which he is now a regular attender) for dinner at a local pub.

I start the conversation asking about his job and such. He answers...I ask a follow up question....he answers.....I let the silence go for a half a second before asking another follow up question....he answers....then looks at me expectantly for the next question. Geez! I gab on until the food comes. Then I launch into the "Ya know, just not going to work," bit. He replies, "I know you're not interested right now and I know I can't provide for you the way you'd want right now and I know there are some thing I need to work on right now, so I understand what you're saying." Don't think so, buddy. I try to explain that it's not a question of right now, but that we are unsuited for one another until death do us part.

It was painful, but I believe by the end of the evening we had a meeting of the minds and ended amicably, albeit with me paying for my own darn dinner and drink. Sigh of relief. Clarification. FREEDOM!

Email the next day. And the next. I bolted town for a bit on a work trip. He researched the city for me. I got back to another email. And the day after. Weblink the day after that. Text message the next. Two emails after that. The more I reject him, the more impossible I paint the options, the more he tries!

Ronald, be kind to yourself! Somewhere out there is a lady who will adore all your attention, appreciate it, and maybe, just maybe, reciprocate it. Find her. You're a good guy. You deserve her.

And for the rest of you men out there, know when it's time to give up and move on. Persistence is a lovely thing. Sometimes you get the girl. If this is your game plan, you have much better luck on girls with low self-esteem, just FYI. But at some point, you need to face reality. She's out of your league. Maybe it's your hygiene? Perhaps you bore her to tears. Whatever the reason, true l-o-v-e between you was just not meant to be. And it will never happen.

Trust me, you wouldn't be happy with her anyway.